He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
