all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
