First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
