I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
