i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize