I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
