Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
