Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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