cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up under a house in Key West
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