She is in my trunk
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
