can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
