somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
