a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
