I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
