im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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