my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
