I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
