i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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