literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
