They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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