my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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