if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
