best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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