??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I am naked and annoyed.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
