If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
