if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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