I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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