and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
