Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
