I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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