I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
