he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize