I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I deserve this hangover.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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