Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
