The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
