Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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