take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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