So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
