She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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