i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
