I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
