I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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