you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
