UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
