u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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