alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This is my gift to your gina
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You are a genius and a whore.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
