Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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