I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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