South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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