You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't turn off my feet"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
