Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
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