i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
