one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
