I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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