he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
