if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
