Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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