I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
