im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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