I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
