Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
