yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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