I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
