I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
