I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
