Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My ATM looks so different sober.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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