I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize