I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
