I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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