my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
