so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
