ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Sext me about skeletons
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
