He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize