he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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