"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
